Today is a good day but very tired!

Lots of fun and games in the news about Rupert Murdoch, News of the World and BSkyB. But I have mainly been sorting out stuff to to sell on eBay, which in turn tidies the house and gets rid of junk. Am seriously considering doing this full time! Watch this space. My memory has been a bit poor today but don't feel so fed up like yesterday, which is good news!

Obviously I have been doing loads of washing in our new direct drive 7kg loads LG washing machine. Brilliant thing"

I am currently installing the OS on an old IBM NetVista x40 which used to retail over £1000! What do you reckon I'll get on ebay?

Been a bit depressed today :-(

A bit down today but loads better than suicidal a month or 2 ago!!! Can't pinpoint why but I guess you just get days like it. If you are reading this, I don't want to bring YOU down so kindly move on to someone else's blog!

Today I am having a good day :-)

We were awake early and I think this is day 12 without alcohol but I did have half a Zopiclone last night. K and j went to town early and I settled down to review eBay and arrange postage for the 3x items sold. I am feeling surprisingly chipped today, whether It's the citalapram 40mg starting work, being busier in my life and the fear and excitement of being a father again at the age of 45?! K is due next march I think?! Not sure what my parents will say about it but who cares I am 44 hehe. I also have to tell Emily soon, I think she will be excited, but I have a few weeks before I tell her :-) 

I'm back again to try and maintain my blog!

Since my last entry i have been plagued by my demons and been a complete twat on numerous occasions. But times are a changing and so must I!

How i got myself to here is a story and some of my darkest days are ever present and I have hurt k mentally on too many occasions. Thing are changing and from now and I am sure I am coming out the other side in a positive way, the future looks scary and interesting. I shall start filling in the gaps soon.

Thursday 27th Revisited

The Paracetamol drip didn't touch my pain so Morphine was administered orally which failed to stop the pain, so in the early hours I was given a Morphine injection, that seemed to do the trick :-)

I forgot to add that every night I was in hospital I was given a Heparin injection which is to stop my blood from clotting and I had to wear anti-emobilsm stockings for the same reason.

In the morning I was visited by 9 doctors much to the amusement and confusion of the other patients on my ward of 6 beds They seemed to think I was someone important and started asking lots of questions, I remained vague keeping the charade going, some fun must be had out of this) who I shall give a quick description of:

Opposite me was an elderly man, can't remember why he was there, but he kept trying to remove his catheter, much to the annoyance and frustration of everybody on the ward or who worked there, no one wanted to see him hurt himself by pulling it out or trying to wander about with it attached and all us patients continually! Chris, who had recently had a Haemorrhoid removal operation but not been able to do No 1's or 2's since, poor bloke, he was in agony :-( There was a lad in his 20's who was passing blood as well as Urine who went home today but came back in tomorrow?! Another guy who was an addict with a severed artery who apparently had been dead for a while but came back. He was waiting for his Methadone for days but managed to cope really well without it hahaha. Another guy who had Pancreas trouble and was in pain. When I moved to 8X on Friday night, Pancreas man and Chris would be there too.

Later this day K visited and came with me as the ported took me for my first scan. Apparently I was totally out of it making my drip tube in to a bubble blower pretending to blow bubbles and not making a lot of sense, this time is extremely vague for me, funnily enough.

This whole period of time just described and the following few days must have been a horrible period of time for K, I can not imagine what she went through, but she was strong for me :-)

I could only drink fluids this day but I slept better, physicals and mentally exhausted!

Wednesday 26th Revisited

The next week or so of entries are classed as "revisited", due to to the fact is actually Saturday 5th June. A lot has happened over the past week or so and I shall try my up-most to make my entries as accurate as possible as it has been a true roller-coaster of events! So here goes!

In the afternoon of last Wednesday I felt progressively worse, with my stomach pains increasing and generally feeling ill :-( I had made my mind up that after work I would go home, speak to K about it and go to A & E. On phoning K she, rightly, suggested meeting me at A & E rather than go home first, most definitely the right decision.

At the Royal I was seen quickly, bloods were taken and the prodding began. I was also diagnosed with being dehydrated which may account for the amount of urine I had passed over the last few days which I had commented on. As far as I remember I was put on a drip there and then?!

One thing must be added here and that is instead of donning a sensible pair of black or white underpants, I had my DJ headphones on, bloody typical eh?

I was given an anal probing by a young female doctor, not top of my list of things to be done but I guess an important way of diagnosis. My diagnosis at this stage was appendicitis,a correct diagnosis. A nurse  asked if he could have a prod about and virtually made my eyes pop out my head, as they say, he hit the nail on the head. Well done him!

Some X-Rays were performed and I was quickly admitted and to ward 8Y.

I have never been to hospital apart from a planned double knee arthrosopy carried out by the NHS in a private hospital, the Spire, in November last year, which I am still awaiting a follow up of 7 months later!

I was allowed to eat a sandwich that night and just drink fluids.

It was a very surreal situation and scary but K kept me in good spirits and was strong for both of us. I had a rough evening and night and was in lots of pain, at one point having one litre of fluids on a drip every 30 minutes.

Lunchtime Review

I still don't feel hungry but ate a toasted cheese sandwich but best to keep my strength up eh?! Still got the the stomach pain and no sign, as yet, of these tablets solving it but maybe I'll wake up tomorrow morning and feel better? Had a look at the BBC website but only bad news to report so can't be arsed to review it! I'm feeling a bit down but I think it is just because I feel rubbish inside. It is confusing for me as I am not sure if it is just a stomach bug or abdominal cramp or is it something more serious and I would benefit from going to A & E pronto and getting it diagnosed and sorted before anything more serious might happen? Am I being a drama queen or making a mountain out of a mole hill? Typical me, I don't want to waste anyone's time or use up valuable resources which could benefit someone else. But if I continue to feel this way I will have to get it sorted.

Yesterday revisited

Went to the doctors and saw the Locom which was quite entertaining due to the fact that when he gave his prognosis he literally turned his chair to face K and spoke to her the whole time, how bizarre when it is me with the problem. Anyway, he prescribed me Buscopan Hyoscine Butylbromide 10mg tablets which are basically for irritable Bowel Syndrome and should stop spasms in the bowel. Personally I don't think it is that but we'll wait and see and hopefully they will work. If nothing changes in a few days he suggested going to A & E. The pain woke me up in the night and I was awake for ages, and I nearly got to the point of waking K for us to go there last night but must of gone to sleep, woke up feeling just a little tender. The pain is worse than yesterday but not as bad as last night so am at work soldiering on :-)

We are trying to clear the recorded programs on our Sky box and watched an interesting program about the Revelations, I think I would actually like to read a bible starting from the beginning of the Old Testament. Never read one before and may be interesting? I love K!!!!!!

Lunchtime review

Don't feel hungry at all but made myself have a sandwich. I feel lousy and can't wait to see a doc tonight. I reckon it's just a bug but worth checking out eh? Just had a quick look at the BBC website to see lads of good news stacking up ........... not! S. Korea and N. Korea are waving their handbags at each other though I reckon this one may kick off but my reckoning is, if it doesn't then China would have put it's big boot in to calm it down rather than America. China, to me, seems to be the up and coming super super power putting the old super-powers in the shadows. Time will tell! The Conserlibs are announcing shed loads of cuts, no one seems to be that bothered at the moment but I reckon a few months down the line when it actually starts to affect the public things will start to get a bit heated! Here endeth the lunch time news < taps papers on desk, like they do on tv and pretends to move the mouse> hahaha.

My thought of the day!

Positivity is the key to happiness

Weekend Review

Had a fab weekend in Leeds :-) The weather was fantastic and eating alfresco style, playing with the G & L in the pool and chatting away was superb! On Sunday G's poem and singing was brilliant and the whole acting/singing and poems performed by all was great.

My stomach is still causing me grief and after 4 days of Gaviscon it has not improved, in fact, it has got worse. So much so we called  NHS Direct yesterday afternoon, but the best they could offer was to take pain-killers?! The one thing we think it could be, though it could be anything really, is my Appendix? I have an appointment at 17:30 so we shall see what is said then. I really want to get it sorted as I really want to get on with my keep-fit regime and go for a run but I don't think it is wise at the moment.

Lunchtime update

The weekend is nearly here TF! K is having a girlie day with J and I am at work looking forward to meeting up later. I am in 2x minds about this evening, half of me wants to get wrecked or at least have a few drinks, the other half wants to stay fit and go for a run later when we get home. AARRGGHH!!! what to do, I guess I shall wait until later to make this decision, It isn't something I have to worry about all afternoon and I will make the right decision later :-) My stomach thing is still bothering me, so staying away from alcohol < little voice in head going alcohol, mmmmmmm, go for it, you know you want to and then a phone call hehehehe> stuff would be the best option, and I have asked K to pick up some stomach acid stuff for me to give a go before heading down the docs.

We ran! Stomach pain, moan moan!

Last night K and I went for run :-) That's twice this week for me so very pleased. Only the short 2.2 mile one and walked a bit but good to get out there again.
I still have pains in my stomach, which is a bit weird, I don't suffer from bowel or stomach problems normally but it pretty constant and even woke me up in the night. So I am a bit worried about it. I haven't drank alcohol for over a week and half and I have ate healthily, it's not that my stomach muscles ache, it is deeper than that, everything seems to be working OK so may go to the doctors early next week if this continues.

We are off to Leeds tomorrow for the weekend to return on Monday, I am looking forward to seeing R, J, G and L and maybe, just maybe it won't rain, the forecast is good but it always rains when we are there, just have to wait and see :-)

My thought of the day!

You can't change the past, acknowledge it,move on.

HIPS have been abolished from today

As from today HIPS have been abolished?! There will be a lot of people with sore arms dragging their legs behind them! hehehe

Oh to travel and live elsewhere................even just for a while?

After "one of those days" (and only half way through the day) I was just thinking how great it would be if we just disappeared for a few months, rent a hut or small apartment close to a beach somewhere in the world, live cheap and just be us, sunning our bodies, swimming and strolling. Is it possible? Is it worth racking another Credit Card Up and pay for it later, probably not but ..........................

Yesterday

Met K in town after work, which was great :-) Did a bit of shopping then headed home. Decided not to go for a run as we had been walking for a few hours and that was probably enough, I was a bit achy from my run yesterday (and been getting a pain in my upper stomach which just seems to come and go, will see how i feel today but maybe go to doctors if persists) and K was shattered, big day for her, Did a great job of starting a database for my vinyl database then came to town and shopped, that's a big thing for K at the moment. Very proud of her, she looked funky with her red and white blazer, skinny grey jeans, white vest top with Converse baseball boots on and, wait for it, fake eye lashes on, always proud to be stepping out with her :-) Later that evening we watched a great film called "State of Play", brilliant film, worth a watch! Planning on a run tonight and looking forward to seeing how the database is progressing :-) Oh, had an idea last night when I went to bed for a poem, not sure if it is a poem or an observation, I shall work on it today and see where it takes me, I think it it will be called "The River of Life".

My thought of the day!

Do something you want to do, not what you think others want you to do.

I ran!

I ran last night! My motivation was low but I did it! It was more of a walk/jog/run over 2.2 miles but better than nothing. So as promised before this is going to be the start of my fitness regime again  . K wasn't feeling up for it as been very down for the last week or so but hopefully she will come out tonight :-) I really want/need to make this exercise work. To be honest I noticed that my breathing was more laboured than it had been in the past, so it is key that I keep it up for my health, surely that is motivating enough! It would be great to keep this up and go in for a 5k no, let's set our sights higher - a 10k run! I don't think that will be this summer but there is no reason I couldn't attempt one in the Autumn! <the crowd yawns, turn to each other and mutter,"yeah yeah heard it all before >

My thought of the day!

Your ego stops you from getting on with your life.